Emotional Eating can suck it!

The last few months have been such a roller coaster around here. Not just professionally with the business, but personally too. Do you feel it? It seems like the whole world is churning around and making changes and freaking everyone out. Something just seems to be going on. I've bought more motivational/self-help books in the last two months than Oprah has had on her show ever. I'm still looking for the one that actually helps.

I've considered new religious points of view, I've looked into Yoga, I've sought professional opinions, and I've baked. Boy have I baked. Baking is therapy for me though. As soon as I start chopping and sifting and stirring, it's like there are no troubles in the world. One caveat....if you eat said baked items, you will gain weight. Based on the amount of weight I've gained this year, I'd say I've had one whopper of a stressful year.

But, I can't keep gaining, so I'm slowing down on baking these days and thinking about other ways of dealing with my stress. First and foremost, I had my thyroid medication changed which seems to really have made the most difference. Second, I have found some websites where I can check in and share my thoughts with others. Having that support system does make a big difference. And I'm going to try to blog more. I tried writing in a journal, but I can type so much faster than I write, that it just makes sense to do it this way.

So, bare with me as I write my way to wellness...physically, spiritually, and mentally. And please share your thoughts on getting through tough times. I'd love to hear them.

Technological Solitude

While preparing to head to the lake last week for vacation, I looked forward to some down time. I expected the sun. I expected some long, country walks. I expected some quality family moments.

What I hadn't expected was my withdrawal from technology.

As a business owner, I am ALWAYS "plugged in." Email. Phone. Internet. Searching. Replying. Inquiring....working.

As a mom, I use technology frequently as a way of finding pertinent information for the crisis of the day (fevers, rashes, how rainbows get their colors) as well as just a way of coping with the day to day stresses of being a stay at home mom, by reading mommy blogs or just chatting with compassionate friends who are in the same boat.

After a few brief moments of solitude at the lake, I checked my beloved iPhone, out of habit.

What??? No service!? But it's my iPhone...a gift from the techno gods, how could it let me down?

I walked around, arm outstretched for hours, just hoping for a half of a bar...let alone all 5. I went to each side of the cottage and all the way out to the end of the longest pier (which fortunately happened to be ours) and still, only a fraction of a bar, and no Internet access. Where we were, was apparently far from an ATT tower, hence my lack of connection.

I finally discovered a spot by a window, that if I held my tongue out just so, and didn't breathe, I could get just enough bars, and my Edge connection for Internet access and email connection. Ahh, sweet relief.

Most people might think I'm a bit crazy for actually wanting to have contact to the outside world while on vacation, but I really love technology. I also love working on the business, so for me, working on vacation isn't really work.

Now, running after an insane 3 year old all day who can't sit still for two seconds, and absolutely without a doubt must always go in the opposite direction as you want him to and do what you told him NOT to do at least 5 more times...or trying to coax the 5 year old to come out of the cottage long enough to give his alabaster skin a rosy glow.....now that is work.

Losing it.

Not sure if anyone cares, or if anyone can relate, but I am seriously, seriously, losing my freaking mind.

I don't know what happened between last week and today, but I'm leaning towards the possibility that my kids also got a lobotomy while we were in the hospital for their strep throat. I can't prove it, but that's the only logical option.

Since they started feeling better they have been nothing but ungrateful devil children put here on earth to see to it that I eat chocolate and shoot myself. In that order, of course. What would be the point of shooting yourself and then eating chocolate? That's just stupid.

To describe their behavior would take much more effort than I am willing to put into it this morning, but let's just say I am being pulled in twelve different directions by two tiny little humans who consistently piss each other off in ways that no one understands. Screaming and crying and hitting and whining. All, not on my list of fun times.

"I want food!" "I want juice!" "Spongebob!!!" "I want my computer!" I want more food!" "Apples!" "Crackers!" "Juice!!!!" "Jacob, stop hitting me!" "Jossa (jacob's word for joshua) AHHHEHHHEHEHEH!!!!" "

And now that summer is here, screaming at them is a bit more challenging. I'll say something like "What is your problem!? Why are you being such a pain?" only to look out the window and see my neighbor standing outside...through the open, screen window. Hmmm, can't even imagine what's going on in her mind. Perhaps, "Who to call? who to call? Child protective services or 911?" So, now I have to be more aware of the window situation, and before I let out a blood curdling screech, I quickly glance up at the windows. That determines my noise level.At least in the winter there's a slight barrier of glass to muffle the screeches.

Not that my kids even hear me. I say the same thing ten times in a row. "Joshua, don't swing that around in the house, you'll hit the dog or your brother." While Joshua is still swinging said object, "Joshua....I just said not to swing that." Swinging..."Joshua!!! What did I just say?!" Still swinging damn thing...."Joshua, I'm going to count to 5 (swinging) if you don't stop swinging that thing (swinging) by the time I get to 5, I'm going to (swinging) send you upstairs for the rest of your life." 1....2......Swinging, swinging, swinging, now I've lost it. I don't even get to 5. "Give me that thing right now," I say in my deepest, most evil voice and yank it out of his hands. Then let the waterworks begin. Hurray! More. Freaking. Crying.

My house looks like a bad Roseanne episode (wow that shows how out of date my TV references are), with dishes sprawled about, usually with the dog licking one clean, and toys that I didn't even know we had have some how found their way onto every square inch of my floor. The sofa cushions have become the best toys in the world, but only if they are stacked on top of each other to jump onto, or leap from. And then of course, all the sofa pillows, from both sofas, need to be placed strategically throughout the house, because if you don't walk on them, your feet will catch on fire.

I send them outside so I can clean up inside, and they inevitably end up whacking each other with a golf club or baseball bat, or a stick. One or the other comes crying inside to me within minutes of being outside. Why is this happening?!

I'm an only child, so having a brother/sister relationship is over my head. Maybe this is normal, but dear god. I should have been given more patience with each kid, not less.

The only solace I take in all of this is that my annoying neighbors who, on the north side of us have barking dogs and screaming kids, and on the south side of us smoke so much that I'm developing second hand lung cancer through my own house, are getting paid back with my crazy, out of control children.

When you find me dead in my house after shooting myself...rest assured, there will be chocolate smudges all over my face....