Breathing treatments and Brownies

I have been very faithful to the candida diet so far this time around (except that one slip up with the cookie), but on Wednesday night my son had a bout of breathing difficulties that brought back all the stress and reasons for my weight gain. He was in the hospital twice back in the fall of 07, and I promptly stress ate myself to an all new high for me.

So, when my husband called me at work to tell me Joshua was having some problems again, right after the unthinkable fear of losing him to some strange freak disease got out of my head, my thoughts immediately went towards what to cram into my face to soak up all this pain.

I thought about stopping by taco bell, or Starbucks, but ultimately headed straight for home, my priorities are in tact! I was so busy with taking care of him that I never thought of food again, until morning. it was a rough night, but we got through it, and as soon as morning came and I assessed the situation, I felt the stress coming back. His fever wasn't budging, and his heart was racing. He rambled on and on about strange things, and I was really getting scared.

I was pretty sure going to the hospital wasn't going to be fun this time (not that the last two were a barrel of laughs). He knew what to expect, and no video games or nice, free blankets or wagon rides were going to make up for the sharp sting of the needles he got last time. He still cries when he sees me get my blood drawn. He thinks it hurts the same way the very long and painful shot he got did.

After a few more breathing treatments, and a quick call to any friend with kids, and then the doctor's office, I started giving him Tylenol, which immediately brought down his fever, which then brought down his heart rate. Motrin wasn't doing a thing, so this was a relief.

Once this immediate threat of a hospital stay seemed over, I did what any sensible mother would do, and began baking my freaking heart out. He put together puzzles and talked to me about Mario while I whipped up some magical brownies that were sure to save the world.

I knew not to eat any, but seriously, who was I kidding. I intentionally got the cocoa and sugar and eggs and butter...I knew what I was doing, and I was happy about it.

Once the brownies cooled and the frosting set, my youngest son and I dug in. After all of that, I didn't even give any to Joshua for fear of the sweets upsetting his stomach. He didn't want any anyway, so it worked out just fine.

After about 3 bites my stomach was saying, "No more, woman! Can't you control yourself even for a few days?!" I cleaned the dishes, and wondered aloud if this made me feel any better. And you know what? It did.

The mixing and the blending and the cracking of eggs, honestly made my mind stop wandering and creating worst case scenarios. I cried enough that day, and the few minutes of fixing these brownies halted all those worries. The taste of the brownies was so sweet to my newly cleansed self, but were just what I needed.

I packed the rest away, and immediately drank 4 more glasses of water and exercised my heart out. I think I'll be okay, and actually feel stronger than I have in the past when I've cheated. It helps that things seem to be looking up for Joshua. But, this time I want to gain strength by being healthy so I can be around for them when they need me the most.

This needy thing...it goes both ways.