Just put your coat on!

Okay. Some background....I have always done everything for my sons. I never thought twice about it, just did it. I dressed them. I brushed their teeth. I put their coats and gloves on. I put Joshua's backpack on. Underwear, socks, shoes...yes, it's my fault, I did it all.

I thought it was awesome, because I was not one of those parents who were constantly screaming at their kids to "Put your coat on!" "Get your shoes, now!" I didn't have to yell because I did it for them.

Except I forgot one thing...they are supposed to learn that at some point they have to do it themselves. On Tuesday, Joshua's preschool teacher said to me in the softest, most condescending way, "We are working with Joshua on how to put his coat on."

My first thought was, "Thanks, that saves me some time." Then, it dawned on me, that what she really meant was "You stupid parent. This is something we shouldn't have to worry about. You are a horrible mom for coddling your child like this, and now we actually have to teach him something."

So, this morning I dutifully tell my child to put his coat on now, damnit! Why can't you put your coat on? You're 5 now, your teacher thinks you should be able to do this already. Crocodile tears streaming down his face. I feel awesome.

Meanwhile, Jacob is crying because the dog is within inches of his cereal and it's devastating for him, don't I understand and why can't I move right now to stop this vile creature from drooling on his cereal?!

Then, I put on Jacob's socks (sorry, it's a habit I can't break all at once apparently) and then horror of all horrors I put his shoes on too. but, this is not a good answer for him. he wants to throw them across the room and cry some more about how horrible I am for putting shoes on him and can't i see that he's busy eating cereal with dog drool in it, and that shoes are not the priority right now woman!

So, I turn my attention to the boy with crocodile tears that are pooling around his feet at this point. Face Red, Eyes Bloodshot. I am on top of the world! Damn preschool teachers and their helpful suggestions....now look at what you made me do. my kid is crying, and I feel like a horrible mom for trying to get him to put his own coat on. He's only 5, it's not like he'll be in high school and need help with his outerwear, or underwear for that matter. What's the big deal?

He puts his coat on, sort of. Then, I sort of help a little tiny bit, then I teach him how to zip, and then he starts crying again because that's just too much information and the teacher only said to know how to put my coat on mom, so why are you filling my brain with all this useless information before you're told to, you crazy crazy over achiever you!

Okay. Coat on. Now I can move my attention to Jacob who does at least still have his socks on, but I can't find his shoes that he threw across the room, so I begin looking for them only to remember that I had actually picked them up and put them on the table already thinking that would be a good idea, so I could find them easier.

This time he's ready for his shoes, and things go smoothly, until I mention that I'm going grocery shopping and Joshua decides that he wants to go too. But he wants to go now, not after school, no school today mom, i don't want to go to schoooooolll!!!

At this point I'm threatening home school to him like he should wish he came out of someone else's womb because I am so over this fighting and I just want these kids to want to do what I say and not argue ever because don't they know that it's hard being a mom and I just want them to be happy and not cry all the time. I should be crying all the time, not them! That's the rules, right?

I pick Joshua up from school in one hour, and I am breathlessly waiting for what we'll all be crying about then. Ahhh, parenting. Who wouldn't want to do this all day?

I wouldn't trade it for all the peanut butter and chocolate in the world.