Hello, my name is Christy, and I'm a foodaholic

It's been four days since I started this freakishly evil Candida diet. I started with gusto, confidence and determination. Oh, how fickle I can be.

I'm a stress eater. I always suspected it. But it wasn't until about six months ago that I had no doubt left. A series of traumatic events (4 ER trips: 3 for kids, 1 for dog) happened all within weeks of each other. I preceded to gain 25 pounds in 2 months. If you would've shown me a carrot during that time, I would have beaten you with it until you were orange. I'm serious.

So when I got a phone call yesterday informing me that my cousin's infant daughter had passed away suddenly, it wasn't a shock that I almost immediately thought of food. (right after i bawled my eyes out, hugged my own kids a trillion times until they screamed for me to stop, and mourned for my cousin and his family, of course.)

I couldn't stop thinking of food of any kind. Starbucks...those damn cupcakes I made...frickin' organic Bunny Grahams for god's sake.

But how do you process this kind of grief? When another cousin of mine died almost a year ago today, I knew immediately how to feel. But this is on a different level. A level I'm not sure I want to process yet.

It sort of came to me that I think the reason I'm thinking (obsessing) about food so much, is because if I don't think about IT, I think about the loss my cousin is going through. I think about what I would do/feel if I lost a child so young, or at any age for that matter.

I'd rather stick my head in the sand and not feel anything, thank you very much. I'll have plenty of emotions on Friday at the funeral.

Life doesn't wait for you to get your stress-eating plan ready. Moments like this happen when they happen, and I can't stop them.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to get through this, but no matter my struggle with food, it's nothing compared to what my cousin and his family will struggle with for years.

So what if I eat a non candida friendly food while I'm dealing with this emotional overload?
I'll get over it and move on. That's more than I can say for my cousin.

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